There is a children’s story that my six-year-old read to me as a part of his advanced first grade reading class entitled, “If You Give A Pig A Pancake…” by Laura Numeroff. It is a circular tale about a child whose pig wants a pancake and once it gets the pancake, it wants syrup, it makes a mess, it tries to clean up, it gets tired from cleaning, it takes a nap, it gets distracted, it plays a game, it gets hungry again, and ends with the pig wanting another pancake, starting the story all over again.
It got me wondering what would happen if, instead of a pancake, you gave the pig something else?
If You Give A Pig A Christmas Tree
If you give a pig a Christmas tree, he’ll want to decorate it. You will offer to give him some of your Christmas decorations. He’ll probably have his own idea of Christmas, so he’ll want to go shopping. He’ll ask you for some money.
When you give him some money, he’ll probably ask you for more. You’ll have to explain you are unemployed. Your unemployment will remind him of two separate job stimulus packages that did nothing to create jobs. He might get mad and want call to a press conference to blame Republicans. He’ll want you to come too.
He’ll look around your neighborhood for a cause to support. Then he’ll look in your home. When he’s in your home, he’ll find your old tax returns. He’ll look through your tax returns. He’ll probably think you don’t pay enough and blame George W. Bush.
When he’s finished with your tax returns, he’ll ask about your health care. You’ll do your best to explain that you have no health care because you lost your job, and he will be ecstatic. He’ll want you to share your misfortune with the press and engage in a photo-op with him. So, you’ll have to get a camera. When he sees the pictures, he’ll ask you to take more. Then he’ll want to send one to each of his friends in the mainstream media.
You’ll have to let him use your computer to send the pictures and take him to a press conference. On the way, he’ll want to use your cell phone to contact his speech writer. He’ll want to be ready for his 2012 campaign. So you’ll have to get him a teleprompter. When the press conference is completed, he’ll get a messiah complex. Feeling messianic will remind him of your Christmas decorations.
And chances are, if he’s reminded of your Christmas decorations he’ll want his own holiday tree, complete with thousands of lights and ornaments dedicated to him instead of Christ.